Have you ever been guilty of a serious texting faux-pass?
A situation that you just couldn’t text your way out of?
Of course you have; we’re all human.
Well, I’m here to help you maneuver around these sensitive situations and make them work for you.
And, (spoiler alert!) sometimes it’s as easy as just putting down your phone.
I could spout on about the wonders of texting all day – heck, I often do – but sometimes the awkward truth of the matter is that texting can be, well, awkward!
Just like in regular conversation, you take a wrong turn on a twisty road and suddenly you’ve got your foot down on the peddle trying to reverse out of that conversation situation as quickly as possible.
Handling tricky texting situations isn’t just a way to save your skin, it’s probably the most important thing you’ll ever learn about texting. Remember, you can ace your texts all day, but get one text wrong, and that’s the one that’s going to stick in the mind of the person you’re communicating with.
Pick any classic saying about communication:
“If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”
Or, “Wise men speak because they have something to say, fools because they have to say something.”
Or even just, “Silence is golden.”
Yes, these are the kinds of things that your Grandma probably told you when you were young, but that doesn’t make them any less relevant, does it? And if it’s applicable to talking, it’s applicable to texting, thanks to massive advances in communication since your Grandma’s time.
Back in the day, it was a sly move to break up with a girl over the phone.
A respectful young man would seek to meet her in person, and would explain in great detail why it wasn’t working. He could then go home feeling great, knowing that he had “done the right thing.”
As you got older, that lesson became a given, but new lessons became just as important. You can’t apologize for missing your university mathematics exam via email; phoning in to quit you job is bad form; and while your grandparents do cherish your infrequent postcards from abroad, all they really want you to do is just drop in from time to time so they can comment on your height, health and hair length.
New era, new rules. And, man, you’ve got a lot to learn.
Understanding the etiquette associated with the method you use to communicate in certain situations is essential – not just to save yourself some embarrassment if you do something wrong, but also so that you can come out looking sensitive, professional, and like an all-round smooth guy.
Have I convinced you yet that all this is worth learning? Of course I have. So read on and learn how to come out on top in any kind of sticky texting situation.
This is a guest post by Claudia Cox, founder of Text Weapon. Sign up for your FREE 30 day Texting Club trial. You’ll receive access to 300 messages, and tips on how to use texting to improve your relationships.
#1 Texting In Emotional Situations: Don’t Be Misunderstood
As a rule, texting about emotional issues is difficult. Here’s why:
According to Kristin Byron, a management scholar at Syracuse University, humans are naturally inclined to read texts and emails in a pessimistic light if the message is easily misinterpreted. According to Byron’s study, if someone misinterprets a message, it will most likely be in a negative way, so in messages that were meant to be positive but weren’t that clear, the receiver dulls down the positivity.
Now, there’s obviously a lesson here: you should always make your texts as straight-forward as possible. But the fact is, when emotions are involved, doing so can be really hard!
For example, suppose you heard that your friend’s parent just died. Your first instinct may be to call him right away. But as soon as you stop and think about it you realize that, actually, maybe he isn’t ready to talk to you, or maybe he is being inundated with phone calls and door knocks, and the best thing you can do for him right now is to just give him some space. BUT, you want him to know that you care.
So what do you do?
You DON’T send a text that says: “Hey dude sorry ur mom died”
Sorry, but that will not cut it.
You need to explain that you know that a text is totally inadequate, and when he’s ready, you’ll be there for him in person.
And when you’re texting emotionally – no shorthand or emojis. They just dull down what you’re actually trying to say.
When not to text emotionally:
When the situation is complex and you’re not sure if your text will be interpreted exactly how you want it to be, you should avoid sending it. Remember, when in doubt, put down the phone.
#2 Professional Texting: Is It Appropriate?
Knowing how to handle texting in a professional environment can be difficult. It can diminish the importance of certain messages or make you appear unprofessional if you approach it in the same way you do your personal texting.
I say, understand the risks, learn the rules and play the game like a champ. Because if you avoid professional texting, you risk passing up everything texting can do to improve your career and your business…
A survey conducted in 2015 found that 80% of business professionals text on a daily basis. What’s more, 15% of those people said that more than half of their text messages were sent purely for business purposes. So it turns out most people are texting professionally, and here’s why:
Texting can increase intimacy and comradery in business. For example, if someone in a junior position has done a really great job, texting them after-hours to praise their efforts can mean a lot. Also, if you’re trying to create a level of trust between yourself and a client, then – as long as it’s all above board – texting them is a really good way to do this. It draws down the barriers between professional you and private you, and it gives them a glimpse into the cool, chill guy you are outside-of-business-hours, which will heighten their level of trust.
When not to text professionally:
Don’t text anyone who is senior to you unless they’ve texted you first. It can be read as disrespectful. Likewise, if someone junior to you tries to engage you in a text conversation and you feel like they are treading a fine line between professional and unprofessional, make sure to nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand.
Never relay orders via text; it can make them seem less urgent. Don’t use a text message to call in sick. And NEVER use texting to tell a client that a project is behind schedule or that there is a quality issue or price increase. It gives the impression that you’re trying to hide behind your screen—and it’s not very masculine.
#3 Angry Texting: Tread Lightly When Your Hands Are Shaking
Did you and your partner just have a huge fight? DON’T text her to try to work it out!
This is one of those times when you can text something that just gets blown completely out of proportion. And the worst thing is, she (and you) will have a digital reminder of exactly what you wrote. Expect to hear about that one again…
So how can you use texting to your advantage?
Use it as a buffer. You obviously need time to think, so create the illusion of being under control by sending a calm and controlled text devoid of emotions that may be misread. Just text something like:
“I’m not calm enough to talk right now. Let’s take some time to think and I’ll talk to you in the morning.”
This way you can’t be accused of ignoring her, but you also won’t be pushed into texting something that you’ll later regret. You come off as calm, sensible, and mature. Plus, hopefully by the next day you will have thought of exactly what you want to say.
When not to text:
If you get the feeling that you’re being goaded into a response that might be hurtful because the other person is feeling hyper-emotional, just put your phone away. Any response in this situation—even a calm, measured one—will most likely be blown out of proportion.
#4 Excessive Texting: Don’t Let It Rot Your Relationship
It can be so easy to get caught up in texting and find yourself in a back-and-forth marathon with the person you are dating. And then do it again the next night. And the next…
Sometimes it can get to the point where your nightly phone calls are replaced by nightly texting, or you see each other less because you already feel like you’re in each other’s pockets.
While reasonable amounts of texting can make you feel more connected, excessive texting can create issues.
Researchers Lori Schade and Jonathan Sandberg, of Brigham Young University, found that there is a link between men receiving a lot of texts, and dissatisfaction in long-term relationships. So if you’re texting back and forth a hundred times a day, it might be time to slow it down a bit.
So how do you shut down excessive texting while still enjoying all the benefits of texting in general? Send loving texts.
The researchers found that when someone sends a loving text, their relationship satisfaction goes up even more than it does for the lucky recipient. So you get to look like an absolute Romeo by sending a text that sweeps her off her feet, and you personally get to feel great as a bonus. Ideally, the text is so heartfelt that it seems almost flippant to turn it into a text-a-thon, so you both leave it at that. Mission complete.
When to cut down on the texting:
Of course, you’re going to get into texting conversations that exceed their ideal limit every now and then, but whatever you do, don’t allow it to happen while one of you is working. You might not realize it at the time, but texting while you are working can send your frustration levels through the roof.
#5 Emergency Texting: Use The PHONE In Life And Death Situations
When not to text in an emergency:
DO NOT text someone in a life or death situation – CALL THEM! If there has been an accident, don’t text for help. Aside from the fact that the recipient may not think you’re serious, they also just might not hear your text come in! Sure, 90% of texts are read within three minutes of receiving them, but what if your critical text is in that 10% that are not?! Never take that chance in a life or death situation.
Now that I’ve got that off my chest, there is actually a time and a place when it is appropriate to text in an emergency. Let me explain.
If you’re calling someone in an emergency and they aren’t picking up, you should definitely text them instead of leaving a voicemail (actually do both – it’s an emergency!) They might not check their voicemail for days, but as most people read text messages within 3 minutes they should see your cry for help.
The only other time texting is appropriate is if you’re trying to keep people informed without clogging up the phone line. For example, if you’ve taken your girlfriend to the emergency room and you’re trying to let her mom, boss, best friend, and sister know how she is doing all at the same time. Sending out mass texts is a good way to do this so no one gets freaked out if they call you for information and are unable to contact you for a short period of time.
And, I shouldn’t have to say this, but don’t let texting PUT you in an emergency situation. Hands-free technology exists for a reason. Texting while driving makes a crash up to 23 times more likely!
#6 Texting In Company: How To Politely Handle An Important Text
I’m not a person who thinks that it’s okay to text when I’m in the company of others. Despite being a texting fanatic, I truly believe in the importance of actually being there when I’m there.
And maybe I have an ulterior motive. After all, Dr. Monica Moore, a psychologist at Webster University in St. Louis, conducted a study that found that eye contact is one of the most effective flirting techniques there is—so why wouldn’t I look my company in the eye?
When you’re out with others but your nose is constantly hovering over your screen, you’re being pretty rude. You should always give the person you’re with 100% of your attention. Not only is this the polite thing to do, it’s attractive and classy, and it makes people like you more!
So how do you work around the sticky texting situation that arises if you’re in the company of others but you keep receiving texts?
There are a few simple hacks that I like to use:
First, if you’re sure that nothing extremely important is going on in texting land, simply leave your phone in the glove compartment of your car—out of sight, out of mind. It’s really attractive to be confident enough to go out without your phone on you.
If you’ve brought your phone with you because there is a chance that an important text or call might come through, don’t put it up on the table, or even anywhere in sight.
A newly published US study has found that even just the presence of a mobile phone lowers the quality of conversation because a phone is a symbol of divided attention. Keep it in your pocket and take it with you to the bathroom. Check it there, respond if you have to, and then put the phone back in your pocket before returning to your seat.
If you absolutely HAVE to check your phone and respond to a message while you are with others, do it politely. Pause the conversation you’re having in person, and apologize for being rude, with a brief explanation of why exactly you need to check your phone. Don’ try to carry on a conversation while you’re doing it, the person you’re with can see right through that.
When not to text in company:
Preferably, you should try to avoid texting when out with others, though there are some exceptions. However, you should absolutely NEVER check or respond to texts when you’re engaged with someone one on one. It’s disrespectful to the other person’s time as you’re basically asking them to wait while you catch up with someone who’s not even there! Not. Cool.
#7 Texting From Behind Your Screen: Be True To Who You Are
Of course we all text from behind our screens, but we’re not all using them as shields, are we?
In my previous article I extolled the virtues inherent in the fact that texting is the most honest form of communication (recap: The Michigan Institute of Social Research recently presented findings that people are more honest over text than other forms of communication).
The problem is, this may not be exactly what you want when it’s YOU who is being honest. When texting, you can easily slip into a situation where you feel comfortable saying something over text that you would never dream of actually saying in person. This means sometimes you might offend someone, say something without thinking of the ramifications, or even misrepresent who you really are as a person because you feel safe saying something outlandish over text.
It might be that you want to say something pretty raunchy to someone that you would never dare say in person, but it somehow feels easy to convey when tapped into your mobile phone. Or maybe you want to send your buddy a hard truth (“dude, your girlfriend is milking you for all you’ve got!”), but in all honesty, there’s a reason you’ve never said it before – because you can’t look him in the eyes and do it.
It can be difficult to handle this situation, but not impossible. The positives of learning to master control over the urge to text that which you cannot say is that you will never bear the dread of having to face up to a person that you sent a stupid text to—and that’s priceless.
The trick is to use visualization when you’re sending a text that you think may be borderline.
If you’re questioning whether you’re hiding behind your screen when you text, just picture yourself saying exactly what you just typed into your phone, but as though you are right in front of the intended recipient. If the thought of looking in to their eyes and saying your text makes you cringe, then don’t send it! If you feel fine about it, then there is no need to hesitate. Fire away!
This visualization trick can save you a lot of heartache and embarrassment. But more than that, it will mean that your texting brand aligns with your personal brand, and there are no discrepancies.
When not to use your phone as a shield:
People most often stumble with texting from behind their screen in budding romantic situations. It’s easy to send out a sexy text, but you don’t know where it’s going to lead you! Keep it not-so-hot, and save the dirty talk for the bedroom when you’re face to face (or at least until you know your partner and what they like and dislike!)
Mastering the art of maneuvering yourself around awkward texting situations is going to save you a whole lot of trouble. So, get ready, get set, and keep using texting to your advantage!
This is a guest post by Claudia Cox, founder of Text Weapon. Sign up for your FREE 30 day Texting Club trial. You’ll receive access to 300 messages, and tips on how to use texting to improve your relationships.
