You're at a house party with some friends.
Your eye catches a beautiful woman.
But she's captivated by someone else.
He seems magnetic.
Everyone in the room is listening to him.
Why?
Later on in the evening, you see him with her.
You think: “How did he get her?“
Have you ever been in this scenario?
Some guys, regardless of how they look or their lack of style – excel socially.
Why is this?
The answer? Storytelling.
A good storyteller has the ability to captivate his audience. He can communicate everything they want to feel based solely upon how the narrative is delivered.
He is one who knows his audience and the lay of the land. The person telling the story ultimately understands how he would like the story to end.
What does a good storyteller look like?
Is he tall?
Maybe he's clean shaven?
Does he favor cuffed jeans and a great pair of brogue boots or a well fitting suit with great fabric that lays perfectly across the shoulders and chest?
Truthfully there is no hard and fast rule about a storyteller that can make them easily distinguishable by looks alone. You can dress up or down to convey a specific sentiment, but that, of course, is not the whole story.
Storytelling is an art and it first begins with the narrator. It is plausible to assume you have to have a great personality as it will speak volumes on your behalf. Personality is defined as the combination of characteristics or qualities that form an individual's distinctive character.
The personality traits that makes a storyteller attractive are:
- Having confidence
- Being articulate
- Sense of humor
- Passion
- Sociable
- Intelligent
- Creative
At the end of the day – no one remembers what you said, they remember how you made them feel.
Are people buying what you are selling?
Storytellers have a relationship with their audience that is transactional. What’s being sold is an experience that connects with the listeners.
In fact, there is a physiological response that our brain renders because of storytelling. It is due to oxytocin which enhances our sense of empathy and our ability to experience others emotions. Harvard Business Review states “empathy is important for social creatures because it allows us to understand how others are likely to react to a situation…”.
Note: this same oxytocin is the hormone that is released during childbirth to make pain bearable. It is also the chemical that is released after a baby is born that ensures there is a bond between mother and child.
Because of the existence of oxytocin, it's highly probable that the basis of the relationship between the audience and the storyteller is rooted in the presence of this chemical. When the listeners of a good story are fully engaged, the oxytocin creates an emotional link between the two. This kind of connection that is produced by the hormone helps to guide an audience's perception of you – which could lead toward attractiveness.
Let's look at it from 3 angles: social, professional, and romantic.
Storytelling is just as important romantically and socially as it is in the professional sector, but it differs in its impact. Both socially and romantically storytelling creates and strengthens an attraction. However, from a professional standpoint, storytelling is about how they can benefit the workplace and make you a noteworthy employee. Let’s discuss further below.
The Social Storyteller
The social storyteller is the entertainer.
It's a whirlwind of jokes, entertainment, and relatable experiences. Comedians, magicians, and pop star entertainers usually fall into this category.
The social storyteller is able to thrive in this environment because he can appeal to a group whose interests are similar to his. With this in mind, his story must be colored with conversations and examples that are:
- Entertaining – It's a party and to keep people's attention you have to have something that's enjoyable
- Relatable – Stories must elicit an emotional response to which the audience can connect
- Savvy – There's a cleverness that will need to be experienced by the listener to keep them engaged amidst all of the distractions at a party; humor is a good way to display savviness when telling a story
- Short and to the point – you don't want the story to be too long as you will lose people
Storytellers often become the life of the party with their jokes and tales. The guy that has this talent will stand out and becomes well liked by most. His attractiveness will skyrocket with his popularity.
The Professional Storyteller
Professional storytellers usually drive home a point through the power of story.
They use the story to engage their co-workers or audience and finish it off with a lesson at the end. You see motivational speakers, religious leaders, and powerful CEO's use this approach.
It's an effective way to learn because the mind doesn't retain statistics and numbers, it retains associations or comparisons they can follow that make the lesson easy to understand.
In a business setting, a storyteller is necessary to narrate the next steps of a process. They inevitably set the tone for the direction of a project, department, and/or organization. Simply put, they are fantastic communicators.
Storytellers at work use narratives to:
- Navigate and manage conflicts – narrative discourse is often used to deal with conflicts during times when direct action isn’t a possibility
- Provide context for past actions and to forecast future results – stories are often used in group discussions to unite everyone
- Strengthen the reasoning process –Daphne Jameson, Ph.D., of Cornell University states that complex situations are simplified and understood more easily when storytelling is employed.
Work teams benefit from storytelling. When working on group projects, storytellers often emerge as leaders who are able to successfully communicate the goals and plans to achieve them. The anecdotes and quips that they are able to express help in
- Understanding difficult tasks
- Easing tension between group members
- Keeping the group focused on the goals
The Romantic Storyteller
The romantic storyteller is the vulnerable person. He gets intimate with feelings, maybe cries (but doesn't have to).
This is romantic because women see vulnerability as attractive.
Think about when male actors cry on screen. Have you ever heard a woman say – “Wow I love when he cries”. Although it's acting – the effect is real.
This is because vulnerability is seen as brave & authentic.
Being a good storyteller romantically would include being creative, having a good sense of humor, etc. It also would incorporate other traits such as being able to communicate in difficult situations and the ability to express emotions and feelings appropriately. Sentiments such as:
- Fear
- Excitement
- Frustration
- Love/compassion
- Vulnerability
and a host of others which would make for a captivating tale. The ability to articulate these inclinations in a creative fashion draws in the listener. It's not hard to believe that a woman would connect to a gentleman who displays this ability. It's common knowledge that communication is a major brick in the foundation of a relationship. Potential suitors who see that you are comfortable being emotive and expressing feelings that many men do not are quite likely to identify with this skill.
In romantic sense, a good storyteller is one who:
- Others want to be around
- Possess endearing conversational skills such as eye contact
- Understands the importance of tone and voice inflection
- Pays attention to subtle details that women would find appealing
- Show power and control by commanding an audience
At the end of the day, a storyteller is favored by most. They are galvanizing and entertaining. They ability to craft a narrative in any situation benefits them and leaves a lasting impression that is favorable. It works well in business. Storytelling will make you the life of the party. In romantic situations (or potential ones) being a stimulating speaker who is able to express himself creatively will fare well with the ladies!
Remember: body language is just as important as how you speak. Check out my guide to attractive body language signals here.
